Tuesday, March 30, 2010

More Shock and Horror

Bullied Irish Girl Who Committed Suicide
Holy crap! When I hear the word bullying I assume it's about boys. But that's the gender difference, physical bullying, which boys often accept as a rite of passage, vs the female's viscous psychological torture that can rip an insecure girl to shreds.

Everyone is taking about what the law should do, and who is responsible, but that blurb you linked to doesn't say nearly enough about the details of this tragedy. It is highly unlikely she would have been treated like that if she wasn't making someone feel threatened, like a ring leader who wanted that boy for herself. She was either perceived to be a doormat to dump on, or a threat. She might have messed around with this "popular boy" who exaggerated what happened, then the bitchy girls who were jealous got everyone to call her a slut. I'd like to see a picture of this girl. I'll bet anything there were some boys who secretly liked her, and she got way too much attention because she was new (and American's love those Irish accents). Usually it does get boring for the tormentors and blows over, but everyone has a different breaking point.

In the teen flicks the boy befriends a big kid to protect him, whereas the girl has to either prove she's cool and put those mean girls in their place by winning the popular boy, or doing something that gets her accepted by them. In real life the best they can hope for is to rise above their outsider status and channel the rage into a good book, screenplay, art work, etc.

The parents of the bullies have neglected to teach their children what being civilized really means, or any basic universally human values, like just not being a shit. The teachers must have noticed, at least on the edge of their radar--although we all know how much meanness is saved for unobserved moments. I am not sure what real authority teachers have for disciplining something that from a distance probably only looks like name calling and ostracizing. And I do know that even the teachers most likely to try to help are overworked and underpaid.

Can you tell I'm not entirely unfamiliar with these situations? And who among us really is? Those of you guilty of bullying know who you are, those who have been the object know how that girl felt, and those of you who stood by and l let it happen need to remember this: "All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing." My kids will go to school armed with that.

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